A SHOT OVER THE HEAD

 

 

I went in blind, with no idea in mind of what I am up against. The room felt dark, eerie and forlorn. This time I was afraid. I asked people beforehand but all I got was a nudge of the shoulders, and eye rolls. I had a foot in, and the other outside, for if something comes up, I can immediately run.

Fazed, unsure, I didn’t know anyone, names? Faces? I had no idea, all I knew was that people knew me, and they wanted me to do this. Eyes closed, hands and knees tucked, I took a deep plunge into the unknown. A year has passed and I am back, bruised but not dead. Tired but not done. These is all that I have felt over the past year serving as a student leader.

Everything around me was murky, and foggy all at the same time. As I had to move my hands and feel around into that unknown.

Years beforehand, I kept telling myself that this path wasn’t for me, that the political stage is not my cup of tea, and I would rather stand in the sidelines. Just observing, and seeing how that world crumble on their own feet. And here I am, a year after, swallowing all that I have said, as I have actually done the opposite of it All.

And as I look back through it all, fear scowled over me, and frost-like sensation run through my veins.
Overthinking every single thing, playing all possible scenarios. I was shooting all over my own head.
Day in – Day out, it was uneasy and a restless dance in the mind, running each scenario, seeing through possibilities and making fixes to each scenario. And to be honest, it is daunting.