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30 DAYS OF DEEP AND RANDOM QUESTIONS (a series)

 DAY 7

"What's something you're holding onto that is still hurting you"


That feeling of self-doubt and regret that shrowls all over you. It's painful, and sends you into this abyss of darkness, loathing, and gut-wrenching. Back then I was studying Engineering and at the top of all that, I was standig at the cliff of my last years as an engineering student. I admit I was no class A student, but I was managing how things were on my end but decided that I would stop. and just jumped to another course.

Upon doing that decision I saw how everyone looked at me with disappointment, anger, and detest for ditching the course I worked all my highschool years just to achieve. And I swallowed all of that. I just continued on with my second course. The weight I felt never vanished as it remained ingrained in my heart and head.

4 years passed and I was able to redeem myself, but remained to feel that I am, and was left behind for the years. I was happy, and at the same time hurt of regret. It was a burden I carry around every single day, I was effectively handling it that no one knew how much I was dragging it.

Then before the year ended, I was confronted by a reality. Someone made me relieve all that pain, all the regret, and all that darknss. That person told me, straight to my face that maybe I failed engineering was because I was stupid, and that all that I have worked for is laughable as it is only a facade, nothing more nothing less. Hearing those words didn't hurt, but what made it was that it came from someone you love. It broke my heart as those stabbing words began to plunge deep. I felt angry, broken, and most of all I felt like that failure once again. That the remnants of a failed past was used to made me feel small, and insuffient.

I never said a word again, it was all just too painful. I was broken, hurt, and mad. In my heade all that was seeping in was darkness, the shadows that I have spent my previous years running away from felt surreal and closer

It was painful, heart-wrenching, like a stake was plunge straight through. To this day, it remains painful, and the feeling has not left and have remained like a fresh wound.

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