random pieces

 DAY 24: "What's something that your parents did to you that you will never do to your future kids?" Leave them! I grew up in a broken household. I grew up with my mother, uncles, and grandparents. It was a household of love and and nurture, but the world remains broken as a huge part of who i am felt incomplete.

 DAY 23: "If you could know the absolute truth to one question, what would you ask?" I'd ask about myself, and what is the purpose of my existence. There was a time wherein i would be asking about what is life is all about, but now as an adult, that thing has changed and become the inquisition of what is my purpose, of why I am here, of what is the reason of my very existence.

 DAY 22 "If everyone you've ever loved were in the same room, who would you look for first?" I don't know. I honestly don't know I have had my fair share of heartbreaks, meltdowns, and silent breakdowns. And in all those moments, i didn't have anyone to talk to. I don't have a the leisure of friends or anyone else for that matter. For a long time, my mom was the only one who really saw how sad my eyes were. And growing, i got good at hiding that sadness in my eyes.

 DAY 21 "What are some things you feel guilty for thinking about?" Ending it all, and leaving everything.  Yesterday, two weeks ago, a month ago, two-months ago. Damn, ending it all seems so good at the time. The idea is always existing, never fleeting. Bad days are the worst as it keeps on budging that wall, like a dormant storm that lies within, it becomes bigger and bigger. And when the darkness sets in, that damn knocking becomes louder, like hell-screams, wounding my head over and over again.

 DAY 20 "If you could write a letter ot younger self, what would the last sentence be" Last Sentence: Keep calm and half faith, everything will definitely fall into order, and your moment will come. A Letter to my 10-year-old version. Hello me, I wish you could read this letter, in order for me to clear all your woes of the uncertain future. The tragedies of life will soon pass, the things you once ought to buy but could not would come within your arms length. Continue your fervent spirit of learning, and never grow to fast. Enjoy your days under the because the gloomy days will never fade, and you need to have your smile and young soul in hand to keep your feelings light. Have a thick skin, and strong heart for the world would not be easy. You'd be thrown, bullied, and ridiculed but do not worry, or be afraid because all of these pain would hone you to become stronger. Life would not be easy as we predicted, we'd go through a lot of struggles. And feel left behind by...

 DAY 19 What's something you can't quit even though you know its bad? I QUIT! I FINALLY QUIT! That one word is short but difficult to say. Over the years I have drinked myself out trying to relieve myself of inhibitions. Whether it was drinking during a celebration, or just because. And I have been trying not to drink, I would be going for months without a drop of alcohol in my mouth. But days, dark days just sweep in and that intoxication just feels good. calming the mind, calming the senses. 

 DAY 18 "Who was the first person to make you feel insecure about yourself?" As I am writing this right now, I was suppose to tell you that the person that made me insecure about myself was ME. But as I took a step back and look into my life of why I was so insecure of who I am, from the way I look, and the way I dress was not because of one person, try a whole section. Like every other kid, I had rough childhood, not from parents, but from classmates. Way back elementary anda time in highschool I went through a hell of bullying. And maybe thats one of the reasons I chose not to associate myself anymore with those people and ignore events that would entail I get to see those individuals. Elementary was hellish for me, that it almost made me quit school, and throw everything out of the bus. When a whole class of classmates choose to call you names on a daily basis, boy it was not easy. Self-confidence sunk, always had my head down (I guess its one of the reasons I chose to hat...

 DAY 17: If you were to write a book about your sibling(s), what would the last line be? Last Line: Across a thousand mountain climbs, and ocean crosses, the place ideal. "Born into a broken family, my story is one of those that hits the jugular. Growing up in my mother's side from the moment I was born up until now. I do know my father, who he is, and what type of man he is. I never understood the story of how things went from good, to gun-in-your-face bad. This joke of a man that calls himself my blood-parent has spread his seeds to another pot before hand, causing the not-so-good to become extremely bad. It was not later that I learned of siblings from another, I was around elementary when I met 3 of them, ALL FEMALES, and I WAS THE ONLY THORN. and year later I heard that 2 more were added but never have I met them. I know they exist, and they know I exist. But it would never happen that I would stand beside them toe-to-toe either in small room or even a massive hall. That ...

 DAY 16: "What's the most hurtful thing someone has ever said to you?" I grew up in a family, wherein insult was never a dish served in the tab. It excisted but kept at the back pocket, and saved for special occasions. And I have been insulted by people quiet to many, but those words just passed through the other ear and never left any mark. I have even forgotten most of those insults and the person who blurted it out, may it be out of anger or frustration. But the most hurtful thing that was thrown at my face made me relieve all the pain I felt back then, to be told insignificant and that all my hard work is at face value. That maybe I was never smart, and that is the reason I failed to become what I wanted to be as an engineer. I was too dumb to become an engineer. And that insult was wrapped in ball of bad language and painful lashes of the tongue.

 DAY 15 "Why do you self-sabotage" To be honest, I don't know for the life of me. I have been asking that question a hundred of times and I still don't know the answer. The only thing I know is that when everything is going my way, I just step back. When responsibilites are pilled on, and expectations become to high, I crumble and just sit still, acting life everything is okay even when deep down I am weeping, and hitting myself  over and over again.

 Day 14 "What's something that has happened in your life that you can never forget?" Currently on my 28th year, and I have experience and been through a lot of moments that I could never forget. But that one moment that I could never forget happened on the afternoon of December 7th. And seeing the results of the licensure exam with my name on the list, soldifying my place as a licensed professional.